Addicted to Complaining

Although I am very much intending to full-time run a wellness center, at the time of writing this article I still work in a forensic mental-health facility. The holiday season is wrapping up and I'm acclimating back into the usual grind. Thankfully I've changed for the better since I was last at this job, but uncomfortably I don't have the same tolerance for the bullshit. Specifically, the crap that pours out of the patient's mouths (e.g. staff single them out, staff are lazy, staff are mean, it's all kangaroo court, and "I'm too sick to ever get better"). Not all patients get stuck on these thoughts of course. There are plenty of generally kind, easy-going, fun-loving, friendly patients and I truly wish they were in a better living situation. Also, I understand the complainers are basing their laments off of lived experiences. What is most salient to me is the percentage of patients, duration of their focus, and quantity of complaints (from the petty to the truly troubling stuff). It's a staggering, absurd amount. I believe it's a full on addiction to complaining [note I have disclosed a belief that I'm responsible for].

I never cared for it, but I held the space for them to vent their frustrations since it seemed to provide them comfort. They felt heard, seen, witnessed. I realize now that they were subsisting on this satisfaction, but not growing in a meaningful way.

I didn't want them to feel rejected in any way, but thinking about the Law of Attraction I was dismayed that I was enabling them to be their own worst enemy. They were residing in the world of their complaints; this is where they put their focus, energy, and attention. This is the wolf they are feeding. I had presumed they would get their angst out and feel invigorated to plot a plan for success, but this was rarely the case.

The deja vu was maddening. It was one thing to experience every new admit this way, but we're talking about people who have been in the system for over 20 years. With each cycle of the sun they had that much more "evidence" to support their claims that everything is terrible and hopeless. I felt resentful they were wasting my time with these laundry lists although my heart extended compassion.

Then the lightbulb went on and I realized my higher self understood this was out of alignment. Back to having faith - the patients have to create the vision of their wellbeing regardless of what they "see" around them in the moment. I have to continue to believe in their wellbeing as well and not entertain these complaints even if the patients become defensive (which can get threatening). This is my own exercise in releasing fear while practicing discernment.

The next day I went into work preparing for this particular patient to dump on me and whether I was ready or not I was going to stand firm in redirecting him to consider giving this addiction a rest and have faith in his ability to create a different future for himself. I have to assist them in feeling empowered, it's the only way. The meanest, nastiest, most annoying are the ones that essentially threw in the towel and are full of spite. It starts with me being willing and committed to seeing and doing things differently. And wouldn't you know it, that patient approached me with a lightness the next time I saw him; he seemed to be full of optimism. Pretty powerful stuff.